This common syndrome is known to locals and expats alike as "Rock Fever." Typically it sets in after 6-12 weeks of triangle dwelling (depending on your strength of character, immune system and degree of sanity). Symptoms include: loss of appetite for sushi, the sense that one more dark N stormy may be your last and lack of interest in laying on a really nice beach for a few hours. Generally speaking, it's when island life and it's idiosyncrasies stop becoming endearing and start becoming downright annoying. Even the most saint-like and non-violent amongst us just feel like they want to punch one of those really annoying cruise passengers right in the fanny pack for clogging up the pavements when they stop to marvel at every single red letter box.
Over the last couple of weeks, I've come down with a severe case of cabin fever. I've noticed the change in my behaviour and have stopped counting the number of times I've been on the verge of screaming at the top of my lungs "Does nothing work outside of London"??????? But instead, I've carried on with my usual decorum and British stiff upper lip. I'm sucking it up, safe in the knowledge that there is a plane ticket outta here with my name on it departing this weekend for seven whole days of vay-kay! Hola!!
I have selected Montreal for my next off-island adventure as feeling starved of European culture and it's as good as it get this side of the Atlantic.
My biggest gripe when I'm in this mood is the level of customer service offered in the majority of places on the island. Although at home, it was pretty annoying to feel like you were being cross/up sold at every opportunity and asked for your feedback each time you say just hi to a customer service assistant on how you felt the interaction went, but it's true -- you don't know what you've got till it's gone!! In hindsight it is far more infuriating to be handled with no customer care at all.
So here's this month's top three customer service horror stories...
3) The Perot Post Office. Granted it's historic and a very pretty little place to visit, complete with ink wells and original wooden features but I think the notion that the customer is king left the building when there was still a king on the throne in England. Queuing out the door to buy a stamp in this place has you wondering whether you should just send a naff e-card and risk your repetition for good taste after all. When you get to the counter, you then suffer the pain of waiting for the women behind the desk to get a grip on both the envelope and the stamp at the same time with her newly applied fake talons complete with nail art. And you'll need the help of the queen to step off the stamp and apologise on your behalf if you dare to try to place any coins directly into your server's hand rather than in the dish marked "Change in here ONLY." Truly second class service.
2) The Bermuda Book Store. Now when I go away I like to have a guide book in advance as I'm a bit of an itinerary geek but for the first time EVER I am going without. THREE whole weeks ago I ordered my guide book and was informed it would take 7-10 days to arrive. Ok, I thought I am on an island and I've waited longer for Amazon on occasion if it's out of stock. They took my number, very helpful, if only it was used. On day 9 I stopped by on my way past to see if it was here yet. Nope, another few days when the next shipment reaches the triangle. Well ok, a couple less days to obsess about where to eat on the first night. On day 13 I call in as now it's not leaving me with much time to pull together a bare bones itinerary. I am faced with a guy who looks mysteriously around him at the shelves of books: "yes we did have a shipment in so it should be here by now." Might be nice if you'd checked and let me know like you said you would, no?! So he checks the order: "opps sorry it won't be in till the 30th now." After telling him I get back from my trip on the 30th and highlighting the fact it's a guide book for my destination... "so do you wanna cancel then?", erm... D'ya think?!! But really, I'm interested, if you were in my shoes, what would you do??
1) Wheels cycle repairs. Without a doubt the winner of the "McFly, is there anybody home?!" award for blatent disregard of the customer. It's that time of the year again to re-licence my semi-trusted steed so I decide to get a service done. She's no Mercedes Benz but some rough edges need smoothing. I get a quote for $200 and ask to be updated if it's going to be much more as the damn bike is only worth $500 at a push. I call for an update the next day, we're at $285, not the end of the world. Ok, fine, I'll pick here up tomorrow. In I go, all smiles to be seeing my girl again in better health. That'll be $585 - WTF!! We go through the itemised bill and I'm informed all the work needed doing and I agree she's looking slick with a new leather seat and the cheeky wink of the gas gauge is back. I make peace with it till less that a mile down de road we break down. Now it's me who is steaming. I'm straight on the phone to explain calmly what happened. "Ohhhh, do you want to park it somewhere where it is easier for us to pick up and drop the keys back in." Urm not really. But I do. Having waited five minutes for a customer to be served, I'm just asked: "are you just dropping off the keys?" Yes any ideas where I stick them. I won't bore you with the rest but hereafter follows two days of picking the bike up twice and repeatedly calling for an update. We are back in business, although I'm not convinced that she is not in worse shape then when I was still $585 richer. Worst of all I had to beg for an apology and when asking for compensation I was told: "I'd like to, but I can't." Words fail me.
This all comes down to the lack of competition on this island. Bad service does not equal not getting paid like it does at home so no comeuppance also means not an ounce of remorse.
So feeling much better after that raaaaaant. I leave you with this story about how it has taken the Government ten years to draw up a bus timetable, even with the help of an external consultant, and they till haven't quite cracked it yet. If this was the Crystal Maze rather than the Bermuda Triangle, a more-than-fair automatic lock-in for this task would have been a year. Yup, it's definitely time for a wee break from paradise and, for the PR person who suggested a smiling handshake shot for this announcement, maybe a permanent career break!!
See you in June when I'm hopefully in a better mood ;-)
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