Tis the season to be jolly and carry on sunbathing!

Somehow December is here and the sun is still shining in BDA. It's not really feeling that christmassy yet in paradise despite the Christmas tree on Front Street being up in all it's glory and the Corporation of Hamilton battling to get the lights up and working despite some 'broken circuit' issues. Meanwhile the BA flight back to blighty is going nowhere as the white fluffly stuff lies deep and crisp and even. I couldn't feel more detached from the norms of my home country. This has been made even clearer as I having sat watching the story of the royal engagement  told by Americans. If Kate Middleton is from a "typical English working-class" then I'm was raised in a trash can. Jeez!

There is a hefty price tag, as with everything in Bermuda, on the festive season. A tin of Quality Street will set you back over $30 so it was top of the wish list for the olds to bring over. Apart from the distinctly warmer clime, crimbo is pretty much the same deal. Shopping hell to find the perfect party dress to the softening sounds of a Salvation Army band, some burning of the proverbial advent calendar at both ends and enough food to truly feed...the... wor..ld. Yes we do know it's Christ-mas time!


Things are fairly quiet on the news front but I guess that is what comes from having a Premier who doesn't create all the drama, drama, drama. I went to the birthday party of her royal highness, the Fairmont Hamilton Princess hotel at the weekend and Premier Paula Cox was there to add a sense of glamourous occasion to the proceedings. She spoke on the importance of that ol' byword of late... sustainability. But it is sooo true. When you think about the pink palace still sitting pretty in the top end of travel market despite the economic tsunami of late then Princess really does deserve a silver spoon lashing of praise.  She is celebrating her 125th Christmas in style with a large-scale gingerbread house nestled under the Christmas tree in the lobby.


But in the weeks before Christmas not everything is quiet as a mouse, a political pin drop threatens to stir the house (of assembly) from its festive slumber. So by now, most people are familiar with "Cablegate", the U.S. diplomatic cable leak on website WikiLeaks. Well 68 of the over 250,000 to be release reference this little island. The first of which was out today, revealed that Bermuda received a minimal cash payment for accepting the four ex-Guantanamo detainees last year. Who knows the truths the other 67 will expose but rest assured the dust of Premier Ewart Brown's legacy is yet to settle. There may be controversy ahead, watch this space/dot in the ocean...

A melting pot with no glass lid

For one week each year Bermuda plays host to rugby players from around the globe. Teams from England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, France, Argentina, Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, Canada, the United States, Spain, Portugal and Uruguay - they've all made the pilgrimage to this little dot in the Atlantic for the World Rugby Classic. And what a week it is! 

With winter on it's way, the temperature dropping, the nights drawing in, what better way to pass the time than by wrapping up to watch battle commence between global arch rivals. Last night's USA vs. Canada pairing made for an interesting match. With both sides equally well supported by expats in the bleechers. When it got to the Classic Lions (England, Scotland, Ireland, Wales) against the South Africans, I felt that the Lions were a little under-supported. Considering Bermuda is an English overseas territory, it's funny that the saffas outnumber the Brits. And not just in number but also in spirit. They even had a random saxophonist up in the stands, whilst the Brits maintained just the usual stiff upper lip while we suffered a familiar defeat on the sporting field. All was forgotten ten minutes later as we all got down until the wee small hours to the sounds of the sixties under canvas lubricated by just a drop of Black Seal Rum.

Meanwhile away from the Rugby field, we had a change of leadership since I last wrote... meet Premier Paula Cox!

Short in height but tall in stature and with faabulous dress sense, she is already making her mark having reshuffled and renamed most of the ministeries under her. And she talks a lot of sense, which of course helps if you're running a country, albeit a small one. Premier Cox was former part-time Minister of Finance under her predecessor, Premier Ewart Brown, whilst holding down a high-powered lawyer job at insurance giant, ACE. So she is busting through that glass ceiling in more ways than one! 


Sisters are doing it for themselves all over the island it seems.The latest Government statistics revealed that women are earning on average 1.4 percent more than men. Woohooo, let's here it for the girls!! Sadly, this has to be one of the few places in the world where that's the case.

Freedom isn't free

As the world looked on and cheered as 33 Chilean miners were freed after more than two months trapped down a gold and copper shaft this week, Bermuda's very own virtual captives were brought to the forefront once more. Yes, the island's four resident Chinese Uyghers, and one-time international celebrities, were once again in the spotlight albeit at a more localised level this time.


The quartet made international headlines last year when the Premier Ewart Brown did a deal to accept the former Guantanamo Bay detainees onto Bermudian soil. All had gone quiet on this story for a while, that was until it was revealed on Monday that they were made redundant from their positions at Port Royal Golf Course but were found work in the private sector within days of the story breaking. 

This was met with anger from community, as an estimated 1,600 remain unemployed as a result of the economic downturn. This is a truly tragic story though, I fail to see how anyone can claim to feel hard done by the situation of the Uyghurs. The men were held for seven years in Guantanamo Bay WITHOUT CHARGE. They had fled their home country to Afghanistan through fear of political persecution, when they were captured by Pakistani bounty hunters following a U.S. assault on an Al Quaeda mountain stronghold.


They were accepted through the gates of paradise but it's no fairytale ending. Due to the political complexities of the case, they Uyghurs cannot leave this 24-mile island as they haven't been granted national status by the U.K. Government. Paradise must seen less like a good thing when you are not free to leave of your own accord. 


When the Premier gave them refuge, he called it a "humanitarian" act but now that his term is ending, what happens now as the Uyghurs are reliant on the Government for work and the "humanitarian" act appeared to be a very personal one as the U.K. government were not informed?! 


Meanwhile in other tales of captivity, this week the Premier imparted part of the blame for the cost of constructing a pier to receive ginormous cruise ships on the western tip of the island, Royal Naval Dockyards, skyrocketing from an estimated $35 million to $60 million, on some knocked up dolphins. I kid you not. In a open forum media roundtable to mark the end of the Premier's tenure, he said they should have been sent back to Chicago as the pregnant dolphins cost an extra $3.7 million to protect. Only in Bermuda!!

Oktoberfest in Bermuda

And so we find ourselves in October... how did that happen?! I think my subconscious has been trying to keep me thinking it was still August, but having attended Bermuda's answer to the autumnal German beer festival, Oktoberfest, on Saturday, it was a fact that could escape me no more.


So how did Oktoberfest in Snorkel Park compare to the real thing? Well, as I've never experienced the authentic Bavarian deal, I can only imagine. But yes, there was plenty of Heineken (the bartender wouldn't accept that this isn't a German beer!), a few bratwursts, some sauerkraut and drinking games involving hammers and logs, however the event was set against the Atlantic horizon, so there was also beach volleyball, pedalos, palm trees and a few gallons of rum. The end result was a little more Club Tropicana than Bar Munich but hey Fun and Sunshine... there was enough for everyone!

So on a wider level, what is October in Bermuda like? Well, contrary to popular belief, Bermuda is not an all-year-round tropical destination so it means the end of summer :""""-( The evenings are drawing in, my after-work ocean swims came to an end a few weeks ago and my cardigan collection is getting an airing again. Although it never really drops below 60 degrees, it feels MUCH colder because of the constant humidity and there's no central heating in these parts.


It also means the start of running race season. Despite the island's high obesity rate, Bermuda has a incredibly active and popular road race calendar. Last weekend was the annual PartnerRe Women's 5K, one of the biggest races, with somewhere near 1,000 competitors this year across the day's events. I took part again this year and learnt that Autumn was not quite upon us. It was 78 degrees. This means you not only sweat buckets but the sweat is not evaporated because of the still very high humidity = face like a bubbling cauldron. It's a challenge. I'm hoping that my acclimatisation to these conditions will turn my tortoise pace into a hare's when I return to UK shores. Next in my sights is the Bacardi 8k (interesting sponsorship choice that one but then again maybe a quick pre-race Dark 'N' Stormy would act as rocket fuel for my performance!).


On a much more tragic note, October so far has also seen two fatal motorbike accidents in just 11 days and the tenth road fatality this year. Both 31 year-old, Earlston Kavon Bailey Smith, and 22 year old, Adam Goodwin died in the early hours of the morning. Back in July, the Road Safety Council called for more sophisticated data collection and analysis after traffic accidents. I'd be interested to know how seriously this point was taken. We are told there have been reductions in traffic accidents in recent months and I'm sure the recent ban of cell phone usage while driving will help but there is no escaping the fact that only last year, Bermuda's road death rate was the second highest in the Hemisphere, dwarfing every other Caribbean island. And that's with, what has to be, one of the lowest national speed limits in the world at 35 KPH. Something doesn't quite add up...

Piecing back together paradise

It's now four day since the lovely Hurricane Igor paid us a visit and it's almost as if it never happened. We were pretty lucky in the end as it was downgraded to a Category 1 rather than a Category 3 storm as original forecast. It was still a pretty harrowing experience. 


From Saturday evening until Monday morning Igor had us under house arrest and with all the shutters closed it felt like a bunker. Me and my housemates took turns sitting on the front step just to get a breath of freedom. I cooked up enough complex carbs to last me a month, although it was over within 36 hrs. Igor was doing his worst in the wee small hours of Monday and that's when we lost power, not such a hardship at bedtime. It was pretty intense watching it from my window, although it was dark there was a strange rusty haze in the air (probably all the sand it had picked up en route) and it was bending palm trees back like unloaded sling shots. 


By morning the main casualty of the storm had already been identified as the Government ferry, Bermudian, which has been grounded on rocks off St. Georges ever since despite so far unsuccessful attempts to refloat her. The main concern here being the economic effects of this boat being out of action as it is used to ferry cruise passengers ashore. Get well soon!

We had power back by 9am so after a few hours of crisis PR for my cable TV and home insurance clients I was off to survey the damage to my little world. I almost cried when I saw my beloved Elbow beach but refrained so to avoid looking like a lone depressive walking the sands of a Nicholas Sparks novel. Some pics here of the extensive beach erosion, which forced the Government to close Elbow to the public until further notice, as well as the breathtaking Cooper's Island Nature Reserve. 


I've always boasted about the natural beauty of Bermuda but it's at times like these you appreciate why even supermodels need a bit of botox help to achieve perfection. The beaches have been undergoing some airbrushing of their own this week with the help of a few tractors. As this picture from Bernews shows they are literally rebuilding paradise.

The locals have seemed fairly non-plused about the whole thing as really this is nothing if you lived through Hurricane Fabian or Emily. At the end of the day, no one died. As an outsider it was impressive to see the way everyone really pulled together at a time of crisis. You couldn't fail to walk ten paces without being told by a stranger to "stay safe". 


The stars of the show had to be local electricity company, BELCO, who has managed to restore all but 1,000 of, at one stage, 25,000 outages in just a few days. They also pulled off a PR coup by taking to twitter as @BELCOBERMUDA to provide regular updates, highlighting the speed of the recovery mission and all the time apologising profoundly to those without power. To date there has been no backlash just understanding, patience and thanks, even from those left in the dark without water. The Government also needs a shout out for getting the roads cleared within hours of Igor passing. 


Then there's the astounding Patricia Burchall of Bernews, who kept the community updated throughout with news, photos, videos and opinions. 


I can imagine surviving Igor being a far more daunting experience without social media. Facebook and Twitter were a hive of activity as members of the public checked in on each other, swapped anecdotes and kept each other company virtually. Throughout the storm I knew what was happening at the other end of the island so the aftermath was less shocking with the sting of the element surprise removed from its tail. And there is less hearsay when you've seen the pictures and video footage first hand.


But alas where there is light, there is always shady. There has been five gun incidents in the wake of Igor so if nature trying to reek havoc wasn't enough, people are trying to finish each other off. Shocking. There has also been reports of looting and the Premier condemned bus drivers for halting services on Tuesday despite it being obvious to the untrained eye that all that stood in their way really was a few piles of leaves and broken branches. Tut tut.


Any hoo, 'survive hurricane' is one I can cross of my list of things to do before I am 30. Along with 'receive jelly fish sting', which I begrudgingly ticked off this evening. Clearly the universe realises that time is running out before my deadline. Grrrr.

T minus not very long...

The rock is now just hours away from feeling the brunt of Hurricane Igor and boredom has well and truly set in. As this is my first hurricane, I wasn't sure what to expect, but I did expect a little more excitement but I guess it is still over 200 miles away yet so the white knuckle ride is to come. 


At the moment, we are all just confined to our homes and there's a bit of a strong breeze out there. With all the shutters closed though, it feels a bit like a bunker. But then again I am a bit more sheltered than most, what with living in the 'city'. Just read on Twitter that over 3,650 homes have lost power so it's getting a little challenging for some of us already.  

It's been a waiting game the whole week, with Stormpulse getting more hits in Bermuda than Facebook this week I'm sure. It's a pretty cool tracking device, you can see the various paths that the storm forecast to take and even turn the clouds on/off - nice touch. 


At one stage, it was looking pretty hairy for us as it was potentially going to be a direct hit for Bermuda from a Category four hurricane but as of this morning it's been downgraded to Category one, so that's just 85mph winds, no problemo (apparently!). 


It's been a crazy weather week in the Atlantic basin, it's the first time since 1926 that two category four hurricane have existed simultaneously, with Igor's buddy Julia joining in the fun. Meanwhile Karl has been taking on Mexico.


Jim Cantore, the Weather Channel's living legend, arrived on the island on Friday and I'm told that a sure sign things are getting serious. 


There's been a run on batteries, flashlights, candles, radios, island-wide. I picked up AA, AAA, C and D batteries just to be on the safe side. Not quite sure I have anything to put the C batteries into but at least I'm prepared. Then I've also bought a whole range of canned goods, if it comes in a tin I've probably got it. In my research, I've stumbled across a whole host of no cook recipes to use my store cupboard contents in. Yum. 


Yesterday it was just plain eerie on the island. The sky was white, the harbour looked like plate glass but was ominously bulging. We took the obligatory trip to the south shore to check out the storm surge. Considering this was 36 hours in advance it was pretty awesome to see.

Then it was off to the video store to pick up a few things to entertain myself. I settled for an eclectic mix of Mamma Mia (lighthearted musical fun), Abfab Series 1 (timeless comedy) and then The Ring (to really take me over the edge when the storm hits). 

Front Street was like a ghost town with shopfronts boarded up ready. 

The airport closed early evening and with that went the last chance to flee the island . Gulp!


So now we wait... as does UK Royal Navy’s HMS Manchester, a Type-42 Destroyer, sitting just outside Bermuda waters in case of emergencies. Reassuring.


See you on the other side, world!


More photos and a video here.

EAT, PRAY, LOVE

I went to see the eagerly anticipated (by the female contingent of the world anyway) EAT, PRAY, LOVE this evening. For the less informed guys, it's the latest Julia Roberts film based on the New York Times bestselling book of the same name. Based on a true story, it's about Elizabeth Gilbert, an unhappily married woman in her early 30s who decides her life isn't what she wants it to be and checks out for a year and travels the world to reconnect with the simple pleasures in life: food in Italy, spirituality in India and sweet lovin' in Bali, hence EAT, PRAY, LOVE.





Watching it got me drawing parallels with my own expat experience in Bermuda and what I have learnt along the way.


EAT


So firstly... food. Well given Bermuda is a UK territory, there was never really going to be a culture shock when it comes to eating and drinking but there has definitely been a few surprises. For example, putting mayonnaise on everything leads to higher rates of obesity and diabetes. Who'd have thunked it?!! Particularly when it comes to mayo on a Bermuda Fish Sandwich. I made the mistake of asking for this local delicacy in a cafe during my first week on the island. I'd pictured grilled fish just hooked from the nearest bay, drizzled with a little lemon oil, vine tomatoes, rocket on freshly baked, seeded bread. Was this what I got? NOooooo. The Bermuda Fish Sandwich is unidentifiable white fish, fried in batter, smeared in mayo, maybe an iceberg lettuce leaf if you're lucky on white toast. A heart attack on a plate (and also a mighty fine hangover cure). 

Then there's the traditional Bermudian codfish breakfast... salt cod, boiled potatoes, sliced bananas, avocado, stewed tinned tomatoes, a little thyme, hard boiled eggs and a some bacon. Think I'll stick to my Shreddies - they keep hunger locked up to lunchtime without the urge to projectile vom in my own lap.


Fish is a reoccurring theme you see... there's the curried fish cakes on hot cross buns at Easter, fish chowder served with dark rum and sherry peppers (just yum). I have certainly had my fish horizons broadened - common local catches include: wahoo, amberjack, tilapia, rockfish. 


Can't remember if I've mentioned dark N stormies (rum and ginger beer) before??!! Well my undying love for this local delight has led me to try dark n stormy inspired dishes. Rockfish with D n S flavoured foam at Hog Penny (delish) and the D n S souffle at Fourways (devine decadence).There's a lot of rum flavoured delights to be had, the Bermuda Rum Cakes are faaaabulous. 


Other traditional Bermudian food includes cassava pie (made with grated Cassava root) and mussel pie, enjoyed alongside more well-known favourites like mac n cheese, fried chicken, rice and peas. And sushi is BIG here and mighty fine. Virtually every restaurant has a sushi bar on the side.


All in all, dining in Bermuda is a fantastic, although expensive, experience. There is a lot of fine dining to be had with some of the best views ever. Mickey's on Elbow Beach and Blu overlooking the harbour are two of the best in my humble opinion.


PRAY 


As I've mentioned in previous blogs, Bermuda has more churches per square mile than anywhere else in the world but my experience hasn't been a spiritual one in a religious sense. I have worshipped at the church of the glorious sun, pink sands and turquoise seas. I've been firmly reconnected with an appreciation of outstanding, no photoshop required, natural beauty and I have been spoilt forever. No beaches will ever compare... you can keep your Bondis and Copacabanas and bore off with your Bora Boras. I'd rather stay in Bermuda :-)

LOVE


And then there's love. The Bermuda Department of Tourism's slogan is "Feel the love" and you certainly do feel the love of Bermudian men, everywhere you go. The gas station, the supermarket, the street, they have a lot of love to give. So I leave you with my all time favourite tales of love/lust/like/mild interest from the island...


1. Bartender to me: "So you work in public relations, I'm the public, how about some relations?" Me: "How about no chance."


2. Old man to my friend in the Esso garage: "See that slush puppy machine there, I'd like to cover you in slush puppy". A chilling offer.


3. Bag packer to me in the supermarket: "Baby, do you need me to come home with you and help you unpack these... and maybe more?" Buy one, get one sleaze free.


4. A scene over lunch with my girlfriends. Text received by girl no.1 "Hi X, how about lunch on Saturday?" Two seconds later, text received by girl no.2 "Hi X, how about lunch on Saturday?" Yup you've guessed it, same guy. It's a small, small island, yes it really is!


5. The next JayZ to me: "You walked in and I was just about to call my mama and tell her I'd found the one. We can go shopping tomorrow and I'll buy you some Louis Vuitton." And maybe we can pick you up some decent chat while we are there.


And that's just the tip of the iceberg of a whole lotta love... 

Then there's Johnny Barnes, he has a lot of love to give all on his own. He is a national treasure who stands at the same place on a roundabout (known now as the Johnny Barnes Roundabout) blowing kisses and calling "I love you... I will always love you" to the passing traffic. 

Love is all around and so the feeling grows... till next time peeps xxx

What is a hotspot not?

A very interesting report (or as we like to call it in PR, a thought leadership platform!) called "Expat Economies" came out last week from the mighty banking machine that is HSBC. Full report available here. 


It named Bermuda as the number two global expat wealth hotspot, second only to Russia. You see that flaming red hot dot in the middle of the Atlantic, yeah baby that's us...

What has ickle Bermuda done to deserve this accolade then? Well, apparently over a quarter of expats that live here earn over a quarter of a million dollars a year. Sadly I'm not one of them. Nor are the many expats I befriended here, or at least that is what they lead me to believe. Relatively speaking, I'm earning a lot more than I did in London but you need to as Bermuda is also one of the most expensive places n the world, as well as the richest, so the bar of luxurious living is set MUCH higher. 


As a rough estimate, I reckon the average expat here, most like to be an auditor with a year's experience prior to relocating here or maybe even just qualified, is earning in the region of $85,000 a year. Not bad eh! But then when you consider that you'd be pushed to find the average habitable room in a flatshare for less that $1,400 a month, a jar of Sacla pesto (a modern day essential) will set you back $6 and a tin of Heinz beans somewhere around $2.50, you begin to realise that on a typical London wage here you would be homeless and bankrupt. 


The HSBC report for this reason us in third place in the income rankings and back to fifth position in terms of disposable income. However, when it comes to luxuries we fall back into 16th in the global chart and rightly so I think. The report metrics for luxurious living were respondents positively responding to the following statements:

Live in a nicer / bigger property

Have domestic helper / staff (e.g. cleaner/nanny) 

Own more than one property

Own nicer and more cars

Own a boat / yacht

Go on more luxurious holidays

Better healthcare

Own a swimming pool

Despite being financial better off, these status symbols are way out of reach for the average expat. There are restrictions governing home/car ownership by expats but these aside, a basic house and a car are a distant dream. A quick look on the website of local estate agent, Coldwell Banker, reveals an entry point of at least $750,000 on the housing market. When it comes to cars, no one has a particularly flashy car here. You won't see Bentleys, Lamborghinis or Aston Martins here. The 35kph speed limit would be more than frustrating if you were behind a set of those kinda wheels anyway. Just to get on the road in a crappy tin can type affair will set you back over $5,000. 

Although I'd like to add a column to the right of the table to gauge our 'it's a wonderful life though' rating as I would bet that when it comes to quality of life Bermuda would trump the rest of the hotspots by a mile or more. A laid back island life combined with a hefty pay cheque while the rest of the top quartile in the rankings are sophisticated (stressy) infrastructures. Where else in the top of the leader board would you have a commute of sub-three minutes, be able to pop for a quick swim in the ocean after work and spend the weekend either on a yacht or one of the best beaches in the world?! That, my friends, is my definition of ultimate wealth :-)

Time Out

You may have noticed a distinct lack of posts over the last few weeks as I've been on vacay baby!! But I'm back with a vengeance with more tales from the triangle. After a little time out I have returned with renewed awareness of how weird and wondrous life on the island really is. It's not very often that you utter these words on the last day of a holiday: "I can't wait to get home and hit the beach at the weekend". Oh yes, life is sweeet. And yep I have been mainly lying on the beach all weekend recovering from 2,000 mle epic road trip around the deep south of the U.S of A. It's funny how a change in geography opens upon new holiday choices. From Bermuda, the direct flights are to Toronto, Boston, Atlanta, NYC, Miami and London so 80% of holidaymakers head to one of the above or their surrounding vicinity. When I hear of peeps off to Spain, Italy, France it now it sounds very exotic.


I've got to admit I did enjoy the hyper consumerism civilisation of it all. Calling down to the valet each morning and asking for the SUV to be brought up, strolling around with a grande, soy, extra cold, hold the cream frapp in hand and a mighty fine dinner at IHOP for less than $15 but then again hitting a sunlounger on Elbow Beach also not so shabby. 


So what's been happening?? Not too much it would appear. We chose to leave on the day of the four day weekend that is CUP MATCH, which has to experienced just once and I had the fun of the fair last year so I was offski this year. Cup Match is basically on a par with xmas in Bermuda. On the two public holidays (Thurs/Fri) to mark slave emancipation and the landing of Bermuda, the west end of the island plays the east end in a cricket match. They take it in turns to host each year and if you go you spectate from a hammock slung up under scaffolding, with a cold beer in one hand and a plate of mac n cheese, rice n peas and fried chicken in the other. Also, the whole Bermudian population camps for the holiday. Any park, beach you see will be turned into a sophisticated network of tents, gazebos and BBQ areas. And when those are full, they set up camp along the roadside and I even saw people on roundabouts last year. But alas with any bank holiday, it was pretty much a rain off. 


While I was away there was another three shootings, one guy was killed after a gunmen cornered him in a club on Court Street (Bermuda's equivalent of Harlem), he later died. The others were gunned down in the parking lot of a Boat Club and out on the street but survived. In the last six months, 34 shootings have resulted in six deaths and 14 seriously injured victims. And there is no sign of it abating as the gun crime epidemic is widely reported to be a series of vendettas between rival gangs '42 Street' and 'Parkside'. The Bermuda Sun even reported that known Bermudian gang members have been spotted at shooting ranges in the states getting some target practice in.... scary stuff. 


In other news, the Government leadership contest has begun following Premier Ewart Brown's final session of parliament before he officially steps down in October. At the moment it is a three horse race between parliamentary regulars and existing and previous Ministers, Paula Cox, Terry Lister and Dale Butler. However, as an outsider I feel a prime candidate has been overlooked if we are to take note of Wyclef Jean's bid for the top job in Haiti... Bermudian reggae artist UZIMON!!

Judging by this note he penned to The Royal Gazette he appears to display the rational reasoning and integrity required of the position... I leave you on this note for now, enjoy!!

"I, UZIMON, greatest reggae artist to ever live and die and keep living after that, want to inform all the nice and decent people of Bermuda that I have once again escaped Federal Custody in the USA.

"I am making my way across the Atlantic in a criss raft I made out of empty egg-foo-yong containers, a ping-pong table and a bicycle pump.

"I am navigating my way to Bermy using my wicked new Christopher-Columbus-Compass-Application pon mi i-Phone, and survivng off dead fish washing up the Gulf Stream from the BP oil spill.

"Me saw Tropical Storm Colin, and told him b'woy back off! So Bermy can thank me fa dat. If I don't die of sunstroke, I will be at Docksiders pon Friday. Hopefully they will have some aloe vera lotion (for my sun burn). Also these giant hooked-beak ugly birds have been circling around my raft fa several days now. Me nah like them."

The Fugitive starring Alvone Maybury

Eat dust Harrison Ford...

Introducing Alvone Maybury, the fugitive for the social media generation!

This week, this tiny little island made international news headlines. A quick google reveals pick-up in the UK's Metro, Daily Mail, and the BBC; the Times of Malta; India Times; France 24; The Sydney Morning Herald; Brisbane Times; the New Zealand Herald; Jamaica Times; New York Daily News; The Brunei Times; Zaire.com and maybe more.

As Bermuda reaches these dizzy heights of super stardom once in a blue moon I could not really ignore this story. And the reason was... "The Facebook Fugitive". 

It all began on Tuesday when Alvone Maybury, 24, being led to the Magistrates Court in Hamilton to face charges relating to a shooting last year gave officers the slip. Still handcuffed he made a run for it and escaped custody. That night he began to taunt the police by updating his Facebook page with cryptic messages about how he was enjoying his new found freedom and claims that he may turn himself in. Nearly a week later he has still evaded capture despite a full-scale manhunt (with 27 officers!!) including raids on the home of his ex-girlfriend and stop and searches.

The international interest seems to stem from the fact that Maybury is not only remaining at large on a 22-square mile island but he is also staying undetected despite his use of Faceboosh. Apparently there are legal issues with police getting access to the IP address he is using to make the updates, which could have lead to him being located within a few hundred metres. 

His escapades are nothing in comparison to previous Bermuda-based fugitives. Cocaine dealer, Giuseppe Roncari, was the island's longest standing escapee. Breaking out during a trip to the dentist, he wasn't captured again till 17 years later in the U.S. He sent the police a postcard from Italy at one point. The cheeky devil!

While some fugitives never made it off the island. Convicted murderer, Troy Shorter was on the run for 5 months until he was found in his Mother's basement. He broke out of prison and took the bus home, as you do, in 1991. 

Then there was Omari Gordon who evaded arrests for motoring offences for a year. He was eventually tracked down in sleepy Somerset toward the West end of the island following a public tip-off. 

So it could be a while yet before Maybury resurfaces, even with more than one officer assigned for each square mile of the island!

Cruise control

July is busy cruise season here in Bermy with 330,000 tourist due to arrive on zee island by gigantic liner this year. Given the population of around 67,000 you can imagine this makes quite a difference to the look and feel of the place in summer. Cruise passengers... you can spot them a mile off! Fanny packs, sun visors and t-shirts emblazoned with the last city they visited. 


The weekly new arrivals provided added complexities to going about your business in a major tourist destination... pavement traffic is significantly slower, you get asked to take people's picture a good few times during every trundle up Front Street and each bike trip becomes a kamikaze adventure of trying to avoid the white helmeted rental scooters as they steer out in front of you and stop randomly in the middle of the road. Crazy tourists! Being on the other side, I can now understand why all the locals in Magaluf, San Antonio, Malia etc. look so peeved to have you in town. 

Being a resident you also get to see the tourist facade going up and down. Have you ever wondered why everywhere you go on holiday there is always a night market and some kind of carnival event just when you happen to be in town. Here in Bermuda, we have Destination Dockyard, Harbour Nights and more,  all part of the Department of Tourism 'Sizzling Summer' programme. I've got to say though the facade carnival atmosphere is pretty convincing. Us expats hit front street for the Harbour Nights extravaganza on a number of occasions and the transformation is remarkable. Stalls selling the standard prints, shell necklaces, mugs etc. collections with a few local specialities - gombey dolls, shark oil hurricane measures and all sorts of goods based on the Bermuda triangle theme. I'll be picking up a few mementos before I leave no doubt. Where else can you get a triangular jigsaw puzzle?!


For Harbour Nights there is always so kind of grand finale, sometimes the bagpipe 'Beating the Retreat' and then one offs like the crazy 'High Heels' race. Some of you may remember the random pink flamingo fundraiser from my previous blog but I think this tops it... a running race for men in stilettos for, wait for it, a hospital charity. This year it ended with one competitor carried out on a stretcher with an arm in a sling and bandaged ankle...

Photos courtesy of www.bernews.com 


I suppose that's one way to create a business case for a new hospital on the island. Fill it with patients well in advance. 


Meanwhile as the tourists have been enjoying the island so have we expats. The last few weekends have been a blur of boat trips, watersports, beach parties... hence no blog entries in a while. Poor show but you gotta make hay when the sun is out. Despite not being a catholic or a protestant I appear to have developed some form of catholic guilt/protestant work ethic internal guilt syndrome for how good my weekends are. But what's a girl to do?!