Batten down the hatches!!

On the stroke of midnight tonight my scooter will turn into an Aston Martin and those hundreds of pesky tree frogs that keep me awake at night will turn into a line-up of hotties at my door, or maybe not, wrong story! No, at the stroke of night Bermuda moves into.... drum roll... hurricane season. Gasp! and the sense of impending danger lasts right until the end of November.


Being a tiny of island in the middle of the Atlantic the chance of a storm striking a bull's eye on us are relatively small BUT they do. Research conducted by the Bermuda Weather Service suggests the island should anticipate a devastating storm every six to seven years. EEEEEKKKK!!! The last hurricane to hit Bermuda was Fabian in September 2003, oh gawd that's seven years.

However after a warm-up 2009 season, I'm ready to play ball, although maybe not three strikes, that would be really unlucky. The closest we came last year was Hurricane Bill which passed within 200 miles of the island overnight on 21st August. It was still pretty scary but by the time it reached us it had been downgraded to a category two storm. For us ladies of the house, it wasn't such a hardship.  Once we had secured the house, we settled down with a case of wine and a pile of dvds and of course chocolate as if the worst happen we'll need that to keep up the blood sugar levels right?!


The day after definitely had a eeriness about it, the winds had eased by the waves were still crashing the shoreline all day, branches were strewn everywhere and scooters lay on their sides all over the road. Some crazy cats even took advantage of the extreme weather conditions for spot of kite surfing. Why not? Rather them than me...





Each year during storm season, from the supermarkets, insurance companies, the Government, landlords, you name it, there's hurricane preparedness tips cycloning the island. Being a gal from England, getting ready for a hurricane was not the norm so much of this advice was completely new to me. Some of it seemed fairly straight forward like stocking on on tinned food, bottled water, torches etc. etc., others you might not think of like stocking up on cash in case ATMs are inoperable and having a full tank of petrol in case you need to drive to safety once the storm is over. But then some were pitched completely out of left field like opening the windows on the leeward side of the house (opposite side to the approach of the storm) to stop air pressure building up in your house and causing an explosion. This one seems to have far too much room for backfiring, pardon the pun. For starters from my brief run in with Billy Boy, I know that it sounds like the storm is coming from all around! 


The most recent forecast from the reputable Colorado Stare University predicts an above-average eight hurricanes, four of them major, for the Atlantic this year. So to coin a common phrase in these parts its all about preparing for the worst and hoping for the best and during the approach cross everything, finger, toes and windows with tape. 

Summer starts here...

Bermudian summer officially started on Monday, Bermuda Day. From May 24, it is acceptable to locals to enter the sea. Although us expats from colder climes have been splish splashing in the surf for weeks. You never would have guessed it was summer though if you didn't know, it's got off to a slow start. I think London was actually hotter on Monday and Tuesday... refund!!! 


It has rained day and night all week which might be down to the Bermudians doing a rain dance. They have been praying for 'tank rain' for weeks. Now let me explain this foreign concept. As Bermuda is over 700 miles from mainland, we have to rely on rain for our water supply otherwise that would be a very long water pipe. The rain is collected on roofs and stored in tanks, because of this Bermudian houses have uniquely styled roofs which are painted white and bleached. Making for some interesting entry and exit strategies to buildings during the bleaching process to avoid those fatal pink spots and some unwanted highlights in your hair.

So how does the lesser spotted 'tank rain' differ from common or garden rain. Well it takes a native eye to spot the difference and technically speaking it is rain that is heavy enough to create a reserve in your tank and rain that fall straight down (as opposed to at a slight angle) in order to collect on roofs. Got it?, good! Rain lesson over. 


May 24 is also an important date in the Bermudian fashion calendar, from this day forth each year, it is time to whip out those BERMUDA SHORTS!!!! from the back of the wardrobe for the summer season. So how does one wear the famous Bermuda shorts exactly?! 


Well contrary to popular belief, Bermuda shorts are not the crazy patterned, acid coloured ones, those bad boys are Hawaiian. No, the Bermuda Shorts are a far more sophisticated fashion statement. Let's take these fine fellows as a case in point...

You will see from the above that they are also a flexible choice, suitable for weekend wear, a game of golf, a day at the office, an appointment with the bank manager... whatever you do, you can do so safe in the knowledge that you are looooooking goooood fella. 


And for the finer points, here are some top tips:


1. Show off those knobbly knees with pride, your shorts should be three inches above them.
2. Don't carry bananas in your pockets, or any other bulky items, as this effects the line of the short.
3. Shorts are better bright teamed up with a more classic black or navy blazer and a plain shirt.
4. For business, wear long socks with your shorts and smart shoes (loafers with tassles are fashion forward in these parts), no sandals/sock fashion faux pas allowed!
5. If you want to really look like you know what you are doing, go pink 
6. Don't let age be a barrier, I've met 60-somethings in shorts and they wear them well. It's all about confidence.
7. If you are wearing socks, you should also wear a tie. Visit the English Sports Shop on Front Street for a tie with a Bermuda theme - tree frogs, scooters, pink buses, kites are all pretty damn cool as a motif.
8. Play close attention to tightness, no one like to see a VPL (visible pant line)
9. They shouldn't be too loose either as a 'basic instinct' is also undesirable.
10. Equal right apply - girls can do Bermuda Shorts too and there are less rules so make it your own ladies.

Bermuda Day

It is good to know that natural order reigns supreme no matter where in the world you are. Bank Holiday Monday always means torrential downpour and traffic chaos and Bermuda Day 2010 was certainly no different!! But then I guess I've spent the rest of the weekend perfecting my sunburn on a beach so mustn't grumble.


The Bermudians take their national holiday very seriously, which makes me feel sad that there isn't more camaraderie attached to St. George's Day. It took me till 2pm this year to realise which day it was and even then I was notified by a Canadian. 


Since 1909 the day has kicked off with the Bermuda Day Half Marathon and Bermudian families go to extraordinary lengths to reserve a space to set up camp along the route.  Sections of the curb all along Front Street are claimed with the use of duct tape bearing the family name, which appears to be taken as gospel. No one messes with the duct tape!! That's just the tip of the iceberg, some areas are roped off, spray painted on the pavement despite annual pleas from the Corporation of Hamilton to not deface their property. Many generations of families set up together beneath a gazebo with chairs, BBQs, coolers, flags and air horns, and some even camp overnight. Apparently the 180 degree view in from the camp is also claimed by the family by some unwritten law so if you innocently wander down to support friends along the route you get an ear full from all directions.


Having recently walked end-to-end, I have heightened R.E.S.P.E.C.T for  those that took part today. Mhairi, Jackie and Tom are my personal heroes, and the 700 other runners of course!

After the race comes the Bermuda Day parade with floats and majorettes aplenty but given the weather we opted to take refuge at the good ol' Swizzle Inn with a burger and a nice cup of tea for a English (wo)man, an Irish (wo)man and a Scots (wo)man conflab on the crazy behaviour that happens all over in the name of cultural traditions. We concluded that it's what ever you grow up with! If your parents drag you out of your bed to sleep on the streets with your head resting on a cooler full of ginger burrs (beers), chicken wings and cod fish cakes during the wee small hours of Bermuda Day each year then the likelihood is that your find yourself doing the same as a parent.


Amongst ourselves we had vastly differently childhood experiences, growing up in the 80s as the daughter of a policeman in Northern Ireland must have been quite an eye-opener. But then I suppose my early years experiences in the self-proclaimed horseracing capital of the world, where horse life is valued at twice that of human life, shaped me too. Although not quite sure how?!


And with my usual seamless linkage I move onto another topic relating to socialisation. An appeal to the UK's Privy Council mounted by Bermudians Against the Draft (BAD) against compulsory national service for young Bermudian men. Hundreds of men aged 18 through 32 are recruited each year through a random ballet to serve in the Regiment since it formed in 1965. I find it really strange that conscription exists here as it is a British island and there is no required national service at home. A little Google research reveals it is the only land force under British jurisdiction to have involuntary recruitment. But then I guess the human rights lawyers have more insight than me on this so it stays. 


And now for something completely different, due to being forced inside and onto the tinerweb by inclement weather I stumbled across this Bermuda-grown gem... steel pan versions of showstoppers http://www.tropicanasteelpan.com/music.html. I'm really stuck for a favourite at the moment between Truly Madly Deeply and the Phantom medley but you just can't beat a bit of steel pan music can you :-)

Speak easy

This week's hot potato has been the proposed Media Council Act 2010, drawing criticism from far and wide, to date US-based Reporters Committee for Freedom of the Press; International Press Institute; CPU (Commonwealth Press Union) Media Trust; the UK's Press Complaints Commission and the Canadian-based Centre for Law and Democracy give it a resounding thumbs down. 


So why all the controversy?? Well, the bill currently being considered by Cabinet will allow the creation of a statutory Media Council to police the media here. Although it has been described as an 'independent' body, most of its members would be appointed on the recommendation of the Premier. The Council would have the power to censure or block the media from printing anything that is the subject of a complaint. Democracy anyone? My favourite response has to be Lucy Dalglish, executive director of the US-based Reporters Committee for Freedom of the Press: "Excuse me, but is this a joke?" 


So who is the media here? We have a daily paper, The Royal Gazette, the twice weekly Bermuda Sun, then the broadcast media outlets are ZBM, VSB, HOTT FM, Magic FM , along with a number of online news site including bernews.com, bermuda.com, bermudawired.com. Although the bill only refers to the print and broadcast media, oh and strangely the online content from The Royal Gazette but not Bermuda Sun. The RG has had a tricky relationship with the Government of Bermuda, leading to the Premier to controversially severing contact between his Communications team and the paper in May 2009. 


But all this debate seems to be missing one vital consideration... social media. It's not like it's a foreign concept here, Bermuda has a higher than average per capita usage of Facebook and use of Twitter is also increasing and yeah no matter what's said in the newspaper, or on TV and radio news, SoMe let the people say what they want anyway and say it they do. The Royal Gazette and Bermuda Sun have active Facebook fan pages with most news posts drawing tens of comments from the public. IM and SMS is also BIG here, in fact some Bermudians even text and drive (not recommended).


Bermuda has a population of around 67,000 so unsurprisingly the community is vocal as the majority of issues directly effect each individual or someone they know. There is no local/national news distinction. So you don't even need to look as far as SoMe, word of mouth has never been so strong as it is here. People debate the news over the garden fence or in the street as on every trip into town you are guaranteed to bump into someone to chew the fat with. 


Then there's blogs of course that let the average (wo)man spit it and be heard a hell of a lot further afield. Oh look I just did! Hello to my subscribers in Newmarket, London, L.A., Auckland and Dubai!!!

The catch

Today was one of those days when living on a remote island wasn't so faaaaabulous. I'm sure some of you are getting a pig sick of tales of uninterrupted bliss anyway, but I was quite happy with the easy living. I write this evening from my office as we have been without power and water for ten hours at the house today for planned engineering works, although I must have missed the memo with the pre-warning. I had planned a nice long lay-in but instead woke in a muck sweat in 72 degrees, 82 percent humidity and no damn ceiling fan! It was overcast as well so couldn't even just while away the day in the sun. Very grrrrr!

Managed to successfully waste three hours of my life on a 24 box set, that was until the laptop battery ran out. The Counter Terrorist Unit had been attacked by nerve gas so Jack Bauer and the team were in a sealed room, 20 minutes away from certain death as the seals were corroded by the chemicals (Spoiler alert: they obviously didn't die in the end in case you were worried). It should have made my problems seem insignificant but it didn't really help. I still had to spend the day feeling like a tramp.

Last night however I did have some good, clean fun. Went to my first ever ceilidh dance with my Scottish housemate, Mhairi. It was a well-attended affair organised by the Caledonian Society of Bermuda. I've definitely met more Scots here than I ever did at home, which is kinda crazy. Having never been to Scotland(!) it was an interesting cultural experience, complete with bagpipes and kilts, although washed it down with rum swizzles rather than a more appropriate Scotch. Think we were probably among the youngest there, but it was still pretty wild on the floor with plenty of spinning and highland flinging.

Among my favourite dances were 'Stripping the Willow' and the 'OXO' dance. Couldn't help but compare this new dancing experience from faraway shores with the more customary Dancehall reggae lessons I took on these shores last year, which was more more 'Stripping' and 'XXX'. For those of you not in the know, Dancehall is the kinda thing you'd see in a Snoop Dogg video. In other words, truly shocking. I'm no prude but it was eye-opening to say the least. It looks a little like this...



It's all about the ass. Now I was blessed with, in the words of Bridget Jones, 'a bottom the size of Brazil' but Dancehall did not come naturally. Just having plenty of junk in your trunk isn't enough, there is definitely a talent to get you butt to move like this. I was told by my 21-year old instructor that it takes hours of practice.

Now let me explain how I got here, when I read 'reggae dance lessons', I thought great, there's something I wouldn't do at home, a new experience! Little did I know was it was something I wouldn't do in public let alone at home. I think I had imagined some gentle island vibing to a little Bob Marley but in reality it was eight weeks of watching my own ass shake over my shoulder (yes this is possible to do with practice), grinding my hips whilst on all fours, a little jumping and waving and some more grinding, this time while doing a shoulder stand. I may be paying for these classes later with an early double hip replacement.

To make matters worse, the lessons took place in the most fitting of environments, a primary school gym. Class started with us all finding a spot on the climbing frame bars around the room for some warm-up 'wine it dawn' and up again. Curiously the caretaker seemed to arrive before the end of class to lock up the school just in case we were finished early. Really.

But hey I'm no quitter and diligently attended every lesson. I feel it's important to lap up every cultural experience as an expat and it's one to tell the grandkids. Or maybe not.

Bhangra Bermuda!!

While it's lights, camera, action over in Cannes for the annual film festival this week, out here in the Atlantic it's just been announced that Bollywood is coming to Bermuda in September. Jai Ho! Some songs for a big budget Indian film, 'Veera', are to be filmed here.

This got me thinking how strange it is that no blockbusters have ever been filmed here despite the island being a prime candidate as (in my humble opinion) one of the world's most beautiful backdrops. Probably the most well known movie to be filmed here so far is 'The Deep', but even then 40% of it was filmed underwater so not sure if that really counts!


Bermuda tourism is really struggling at the moment, although that's a common theme in these financial times, and it doesn't help that Bermuda is a mega bucks destination. A hotel room here is upwards of $200 a night and even for the most basic option, a guesthouse, you are looking at $150 a night. No hostels here! But imagine what a film could do to set the world's holiday sights on Bermuda. Look what 'The Beach' did for Phuket or 'Cocktail' did for Jamaica. Perhaps the Department of Tourism needs to focus its attention on attracting a mainstream attraction, just a thought.


The island was home to Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones until last year so I'm surprise the pink sands and turquoise seas never inspired them to bring their production company here.


Talking of films we are just two weeks away from the eagerly awaited SEX & THE CITY 2 and the race for the 150 seats starts now!!! There is just four single-screen cinemas here and the the film is showing at the smallest, 'little theatre' - clue's in the title folks. Not clever.


Bermuda is a pre-multiplex land, where passers by watch out for the 'Coming Soon' posters and plan what film they want to see weeks in advance. Kinda puts some cinematic magic back into the proceedings. But maybe I'm just looking for the silver lining in this silver screen desert.

A weekend expat dreams are made of

Had a pretty darn fine weekend - some open air rum drinking at Friday, followed by a private beach party Saturday and a spot of wreck diving on Sunday. For a few hours this afternoon I felt like I was on holiday then remembered I actually have a job in between my weekends. 


It was the first housewarming party I've ever attended on a beach but since the place my (new best!) friend Jen is renting comes with a private beach, what's a girl to do?! The house is a former workers' cottage within the grounds of the old Sonesta hotel that was largely destroyed by Hurricane Fabian in 2004. It made for some very interesting directions... "there is a drive which currently says ‘demolition zone keep out’ – but don’t keep out…" 


Apparently the beach used to be quite the party zone, hence the palm trees have power sockets! There I was thinking the ipod was running off batteries. Silly me, it was plugged into the palm tree! We are not quite sure who pays the electric bill for this rather unique power source but hey it works. 

For such a small island Bermuda has quite a few of these derelict beauty spots. My favourite has to be Cooper Island Nature Reserve at the east end. The nature reserve was formerly a NASA tracking station and reopened in 2008 after 50 years of being closed to the public. Being there feels slightly like you've been teleported into a episode of Lost, as it's paradise beaches are backed by boarded up 1970s building and surrounded by barbed wire fences.

Opened in 1961, the station was used to support shuttle launches because of Bermuda's geographic proximity to the Florida launch pad but become redundant once Earth-based tracking facilities were outmoded by satellite tracking devices. During the Apollo missions all voice communication, including Astronauts Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin's first historic words from the surface of the moon, were beamed to Bermuda and routed to NASA's flight control centre in Houston, no problemo. How's that for a claim to fame!

Then there's Morgan's Point, a 240-acre pennisula towards the West of the island, which until 1995 was home to a U.S. military base. Since the clean-up costs have been estimated at $35 million it has been left mostly unused since then, polluted by asbestos, petrol and other chemicals. The base was also home to the Bermuda's only ever McDonald's, but the golden arches were out of bounds to Bermudians and closed down when the Americans left. 


Currently Morgan's Point is involved in 'land swap' negotiations, with the Government offering part of it up in exchange to the owners of the 37-acre Southlands estate along the south coast. Southlands had been earmarked by the owners for a major tourist resort development but this has caused the outrage from environmental activists, who claim it should be protected as it is a unique territory of extensive woodlands, strange and unique quarries, gardens and tunnels. Without knowing too much about the situation, it seems a better option to develop a polluted, derelict piece of land rather than an area of natural beauty, given there is only 24-miles of beautiful Bermuda as it is. But I guess it's easier and cheaper to pave paradise and put up a parking lot! 

Power to the people!

I cast my first vote in the UK election as an expat today (c/o my pops) and it was a really strange feeling to have a say without being on British soil, but still glad I got to put my two pence worth in! Think this is the latest I've ever watched the election coverage (given we are four hours behind, not such a great achievement) and it is making me and my fellow Britsh housemates feel a little homesick with all the excitement of the beeb's swingometer, you can't beat it.


Found it tres difficult making any kind of decision, although think that's a common theme this time. It's even more difficult when you haven't been amongst all the hype and scandal. Some of the main headlines did however make it across the Atlantic - the great Gordon Vs. 'bigoted' OAP debacle for instance made it into The Royal Gazette. But there must be thousands of expats across the world thinking exactly the same... why is no one chasing our vote?! This was supposed to be the social media election but apart from some funky Facebook app telling you which friends have voted, I've seen very little evidence of this.


Whilst the election proceedings rumble on in the U.K., here in wonderland we have our own important issues to debate. Firstly, what colour should City Hall be painted??? 

Personally I think it looks pretty in white but apparently this means some of the building's more subtle features are not visable. The dramatic alternatives include off-white. Glad this decision is not mine, it makes the election decision seem inconsequential in comparison. Thoughts can be emailed to news@royalgazette.bm. 


I had a very important decision to make this week... whether a Dark N Stormy cupcake could be a viable national cupcake? 

www.bernews.com ran this important research campaign as part of it's heritage month activities. Following an appeal for researchers via Facebook, the Troncossi PR gals duly put their hands up for this important mission. My vital insights were quoted by fellow Bermuda-based blogger David LaHuta. Think that's the first time I've ever been quoted, so I'm glad it's in relation to a matter of national magnitude. 


However, the biggest debate here at the moment has to be the big gaming gamble - should it be legalised and risk Bermuda turning into Pleasure Island a la Peter Pan or does keeping the casinos closed mean the island losing valuable tourism revenues to more liberal caribbean destinations? A debate on this very subject takes place tomorrow in the House of Assembly. The impassioned preamble has filled the newspapers this week so it is likely to be a lively event as the cards are laid on the table and a particularly vocal church group pray for no triple six.

Diggin' deep and moving forward

Bermuda End-to-End 2010 - Been there, done the 24.1 miles, got the t-shirt, the medal, a cap... oh and a mini fan that also squirts water. So all this pain was definitely worth it. Had a fab day out glory hunting today. I am barely able to shuffle but rather than strange looks, in the garage, the supermarket, I've got knowing nods of admiration. Shuffled myself to the Willowstream spa this afternoon for a pedicure and a snooze on a sunlounger with a view. I think surgery might have been a better call considering I have a toe that has been replaced by one big blister, but got some more admiration seated in my throne/pedi chair.

The End-to-End seems to be a rite of passage here. It has been going for over 20 years and each year thousands trek from the most Easterly point of the island to the western tip all in the name of charidee. The dollars and cents haven't been counted yet but last year over $300,000 was raised for local charities and this year is likely to be in the same region. It's not just walkers, there's runners, cyclers, horse riders, swimmers, rowers and I even spotted an inline skater. And many a Bermudian family sets up camp on the road for the day to cheer on the troops with hollers of  "you go girls", "looking goooood ladies" etc etc. It's nice and makes you smile when crying seems like a good option.

Also to keep you going are the water stops manned by various corporate sponsors who pull out all the stops. It's a tough call but I think my favourite had to be the Catlin halfway point stop, complete with limbo pole, stereo on loooouuud and a selection of danish pastries. Oh yum. Closely followed by M3 with the sarnie stand at 19 miles. Never has a cheese sandwich tasted soooo good. 

Least favourite point has got to be 16-mile mark when over 4 hours in, there's still 8 miles to go and you are no longer able to stop at the stops as when you start again the burning balls are just too much to bear. So the stops near the end become cruel torture. As fundraisers go though it 's nothing out of the ordinary, a physical challenge with a nice backdrop. 

Unlike this unique fundraiser that caught my eye... "The Flamingo Flocking Fundraiser" was launched this week by the Premier and OMG it's briiliant. Working in PR, I thought I'd seen it all but this just goes beyond! Raising money for the Bermuda Aquarium Musuem and Zoo, you can sponsor a flock of plastic flamingoes to both surprise and delight friends, family, secret admirees by getting them erected in their garden. Can't help thinking that Beadle's had a hand(!) in this this from beyond the grave. If anyone would like to  surprise and delight me, my housemates and no doubt my landlady, it's $50 and the flamingo flocking hotline is +1 441 293-4464 extension 130!! Definitely won't be taking out an anti-flocking insurance policy!! Only in Bermuda...