Bermewjan language lessons

Leading on from last week's lesson in what it is to be Bermudian, this week I'm revealing the mysteries of how to talk like an onion (Bermudian). As you'd expect of something that comes from the Bermuda triangle, the local accent is indeed a mystery.

A regional dialect of the English accent, it has been described, according to Wikipedia, as "one of the most severely under researched varieties of English." Rarely heard outside of these 21 square miles, it is difficult to place to the untrained ear and almost impossible to mimic. I've tried, but then that doesn't really say much as my Welsh sounds like it's straight out of Mumbai.

I found this random clip of a Bermudian being interviewed on YouTube and I'd say this is fairly typical of the voice of these parts...

To try and put it into words, it falls somewhere between the British, American or Caribbean English dialects. It's key distinguishing features are the switching of the Vs and Ws, "wedding" becomes "vaddin" and "words" become "vurds." Vowels are elongated e.g. "Vhaaaat" (What??) or "voooman" (woman), the use of a and e sounds are interchangeable and the thinking word is "um um" instead of the British "eeerrmm."

Confused yet? Luckily a couple of helpful Bermudians brought out a Bermudian dictionary, "Bermewjan Vurds." See vhaaaat they did there?! Upon reading it, it is easy to see how a foreigner talking to Bermudian could become a little lost in the triangle.

Here's some of my favourites:

1) AX = Ask "Don't ax me, I don't know vhy it's like this, that's the vay it is"
2) BEER/BEAR "Polar beers are dangerous not chilled"/ "I'll have another bear, make it a coalwun"
3) Catcherself - "You bess catherself before it vreck yourself"
4) Chryl-up = impregnate (who said romance was dead?)
5) Dahn = not up
6) Dur = not hur
7) Lacks-tristity - pay your bills or you'll have to make do without lights and a/c
8) Maynayze - I challenge you to find a Bermudian's lunch order that doorsent include the vhite stuff
9) De Pawn = the Atlantic Ocean  "I'm gonna cross de pawn for my summer vacation"
10) Vanasdee = Wednesday

Got all dat gaarls and byes? Make you pant (gives you no mental respite) dawn it! I've said it before and I'll say it again, Bermewja really is another vuuurld...

Proud to be Bermudian

There's a song that, unsurprisingly, is getting a lot of airtime on the local airwaves out here in the triangle at the moment and it's called "Proud to be Bermudian." Feast your ears on this, it's a real grower...

So as I hit the snooze for the third time the other day and this came on the radio it got me thinking what does it mean to Bermudian. And yes, it is Bermudian and not Bermudan as Microsoft Office spell checker would have those of you not in the know believe. For almost every other race, there is a stereotype, but little ol' Bermuda doesn't have one of those. So I'd thought I'd put together a useful little profile for y'all, consisting of part verified statistics and part casual observation. Some here begin'eth this week's lecture.

So if you were the average Bermudian you are more likely to be black than white (the ratio at last count was 60:40) and female (it's 52% to 48% male). You'll be aged between 35-39. You're probably not married as the number of marriages has fallen by over 30% in the last decade, but if you do get married it'll more likely than not be before your 40th birthday. It is quite possible that your a single parent.

Your household income will be in the region of $53,000 a year and make your way to work from your home in Pembroke - the most densely populated parish. You probably work in a restaurant, hotel or shop.

Now for some more anecdotal statements. I bet you drive around in a Kia Sportage and whether you drive a car or ride a motorcycle, you'll be skilled in the art of holding your blackberry in one hand as you go.

You'll spend comparitively less time at the beach that your expat counterparts.

You are most likely to be a Christian and be found in church on Sundays and you also live by the Christian spirit by volunteering for a charity or maybe even founding one. Bermuda has a staggering volunteer population.

You're likely to be obese as a result of considering mac n cheese a side dish or one too many trips to KFC, and maybe even diabetic. Whatever your weight though I reckon you still take part in one of the many charity walks (there is one pretty much every weekend) and if not your at least sit and watch from the comfort of your fold out chair. You like sushi, particularly the tempura kind that comes with special sauce.

You call in regularly to radio talk shows or write to the paper to voice your opinion.

You'll be sporting Louis Vuitton arm candy regardless of your salary, your heels will be at least six inches and you experiment with nail art.

Sadly you probably know someone who has been shot with the escalating gun violence on the island.

You'll probably die in the April of your 79th year as a result of a circulatory disease or neoplasm.