Bermewjan language lessons

Leading on from last week's lesson in what it is to be Bermudian, this week I'm revealing the mysteries of how to talk like an onion (Bermudian). As you'd expect of something that comes from the Bermuda triangle, the local accent is indeed a mystery.

A regional dialect of the English accent, it has been described, according to Wikipedia, as "one of the most severely under researched varieties of English." Rarely heard outside of these 21 square miles, it is difficult to place to the untrained ear and almost impossible to mimic. I've tried, but then that doesn't really say much as my Welsh sounds like it's straight out of Mumbai.

I found this random clip of a Bermudian being interviewed on YouTube and I'd say this is fairly typical of the voice of these parts...

To try and put it into words, it falls somewhere between the British, American or Caribbean English dialects. It's key distinguishing features are the switching of the Vs and Ws, "wedding" becomes "vaddin" and "words" become "vurds." Vowels are elongated e.g. "Vhaaaat" (What??) or "voooman" (woman), the use of a and e sounds are interchangeable and the thinking word is "um um" instead of the British "eeerrmm."

Confused yet? Luckily a couple of helpful Bermudians brought out a Bermudian dictionary, "Bermewjan Vurds." See vhaaaat they did there?! Upon reading it, it is easy to see how a foreigner talking to Bermudian could become a little lost in the triangle.

Here's some of my favourites:

1) AX = Ask "Don't ax me, I don't know vhy it's like this, that's the vay it is"
2) BEER/BEAR "Polar beers are dangerous not chilled"/ "I'll have another bear, make it a coalwun"
3) Catcherself - "You bess catherself before it vreck yourself"
4) Chryl-up = impregnate (who said romance was dead?)
5) Dahn = not up
6) Dur = not hur
7) Lacks-tristity - pay your bills or you'll have to make do without lights and a/c
8) Maynayze - I challenge you to find a Bermudian's lunch order that doorsent include the vhite stuff
9) De Pawn = the Atlantic Ocean  "I'm gonna cross de pawn for my summer vacation"
10) Vanasdee = Wednesday

Got all dat gaarls and byes? Make you pant (gives you no mental respite) dawn it! I've said it before and I'll say it again, Bermewja really is another vuuurld...